Once upon a time....

Once upon a time there was a little gray and brown squirrel.  Nobody knows his name, so we will just call him squirrel for now.  Later in the story, you may hear him referred to as "That stupid squirrel," but he was actually very clever indeed. 

Squirrel lived in a very cozy home, inside the downstairs hearth of the 2-story house by the creek. You see, the two little boys who lived there apparently had prepared an exquisite little apartment inside the wood stove insert for squirrel, complete with a cardboard box Bed with nice, soft bed linens.

  

The entryway was a bit steep and precarious, requiring squirrel to climb up on the highest part of the roof to the chimney and slide down two stories. But, squirrel was sure-footed and he felt very safe when he reached his warm abode.  

He could peak through the grates of the stove and see the boys throwing darts in the den and enjoying a Coke at the bar. He grew accustomed to the television or music playing along with the voices he came to know. 

However, one day everything changed. The boys and their parents moved away.  Gone was the fancy dart board and the Harley Davidson wall hanging, Then those new people came.

 Squirrel wasn't sure how many of them there were, but the man and woman were there all the time. "Wow," he thought....."those people are quite odd." Squirrel watched them through the stove grates, perplexed by what he saw.  That man almost hangs upside down with his feet in the air in that funny chair by hearth.  The woman lies on the couch and clicks two sticks together. 

  

And the STUFF!  They are constantly bringing in STUFF from somewhere! Where do they get all that stuff?  Those Indian elephants all across the mantel...the ceramic vases and figurines on the hearth.   How do they afford all that stuff.....look how they dress! Squirrel just knew they couldn't have much money for these "treasures."  And that man had books everywhere by his upside-down chair!  Sometimes Squirrel would hear the word, "goodwill."  Perhaps, someone gives it all to them .... 

And, they are always pushing buttons that light up,  

Well, squirrel was settled into his home, very comfortable with the couple and their junk. Valentine's Day arrived.  The man asked the woman where she wanted to go eat dinner.  Back in the day, people actually went in restaurants and ate dinner with other people dining nearby. While they sat on the couch deciding, the woman mentioned she had heard a noise in the woodstove that day. The man, as he often did, just chuckled and brushed it off. They had a nice dinner, returned home, and went upstairs to bed. 

A few days later, the woman tells the man again that she hears a noise in the woodstove and requests that he investigate.  Well, the truth comes out; the man is concerned about what will "jump out" if he opens the stove.  So, the man has a BRILLIANT idea to play loud music in front of the woodstove to encourage whatever it is to go back up the chimney and out! So, squirrel watches as the "Upside-down man" sets up a loud boom box -type radio playing contemporary Christian music.  The music was a hit, and some neighborhood squirrels apparently came to hear the music, too. It lasted a whole day and into the night.  The crowd disbanded, and squirrel escorted his guests up the chimney and out on the roof.   

About the same exact time, the man decided that the music probably ran off whatever it was so he should open it up to clean out any animal-type allergens that may bother the lady with the sticks. He opened the doors with great aplomb.........da-da!  Nothing was there but the fancy squirrel condo.  "See honey, it worked!"  He was quite pleased with himself. He halfway closed the doors and went to get a broom and trash bag to clean out the boxes and stuff.  In the meantime, Squirrel arrived back home to rest from his partying.  

 

Upside down man strutted back in with the broom, feeling very macho. As he confidently re-opened the doors of the woodstove, Squirrel was startled and jumped up out of his comfy bed and out into the room! The Macho Man was startled, too! The woman with many candy dishes screamed and closed the door to the den. She just screamed and prayed as the man chased squirrel around and around the den, behind furniture and out again. Somewhere during this time is where you may have heard "stupid squirrel" or worse. 

Squirrel didn't know what to do, so he just ran and ran and ran with the man right behind him. He occasionally stopped to look at the man as if to say, "Don't you know me?  I know you!  We're family!" 

The man had another idea. "OK," he told the woman, "Open the door to the garage, and when I give you the signal, open the den door so the "stupid squirrel" can go out thru the garage. You stand at the steps to be sure he doesn't run upstairs." Squirrel stopped in his tracks as the woman screamed, "What am I going to do if he does!???" He almost felt sorry for the woman. It was decided that she would take a piece of poster board and block the stairs with it.   

Well, the plan worked.  Squirrel couldn't get out of the "CRAZY" fast enough. He went out in the yard and watched from a distance as the man climbed up on the roof and blocked off the entrance to his comfy little squirrel Condo!  

Squirrel was livid!  For few weeks, he would make a point to accost the man and woman as they went to their vehicles. He would fuss and screech, hoping they would overturn his unjust eviction. When they would return home, he would meet them at the driveway to continue his barrage.  "There's that stupid squirrel," they would always say. 

Happily Ever After goes here, right? 

Fast forward a bit.  The man and woman continued on with their lives.  Instead of glassware, the woman started collecting jewelry. They had a live jewelry auction show on Youtube, but there had been such a LONG technical struggle to get a useable live stream.  The couple did everything they could, including increasing to a higher tier of internet, buying a new computer, new cameras and more.  It might be good for awhile, and then the upload would just collapse, it seemed.  

 

Finally, at the end of their rope and about to end their live show, a final call was made to Spectrum Internet. They detected something and sent a man out to check it out.  

 

Man and woman are all good to go now! The technician said the problem was a wire beside the chimney, easily spotted and replaced.  He said that a SQUIRREL HAD CHEWED THROUGH IT~!